Let's talk about victims. There are those in life who will let one or two things
weigh them down for the rest of their lives. Then there are those who will not
even tolerate the word victim in their vocabulary. It is unrealistic to say you
have never been victimized. Everyone has had some sort of trauma in their life.
What may seem like a trivial trauma to one person can be an overwhelming trauma
to another. While in graduate school I worked at a hospital that treated people
specifically for psychological trauma. One of the things we tried to teach
clients was not to compare traumas. It does not help the victim to compare
his/her trauma to another person's trauma, so really, what is the point? It is
no fun to live the life of a victim. Living in fear, isolating oneself to stay
protected, paranoia, not trying anything so as not to fail, being controlled by
a past experience; none of these are a way to live. Believe me, it really is not
the way you want to live. I understand and believe that traumatic events take
time to process and you have to let yourself go through emotions in order to
heal properly. However, in processing through those events it is important to
begin to use empowering words. People used to tell me, you have to just think
positive and push through it all. This used to make me angry and frustrate me.
It is true to a point and it is easier said than done. If you are homeless,
broke and alone, telling you to think positive is insensitive and callous. But,
letting you sit in your box, with empty pockets by yourself for 10 years (unless
you just want to) is also insensitive and callous. Everyone has potential and
everyone has the ability to be their best. Trauma changes your brain, but that
does not mean it cannot be changed again and into a positive direction. I could
let things in the past continue to affect my present and my future, or I can
challenge the negative thoughts, let negative comments roll off my back, or if I
am really hurt, move past my fear and actually communitcate my fears to the one
that hurt me. I choose to use the word "won't" instead of "can't," because if
I am willing, I can do anything. It may not happen in an instant, but I can do
it.
weigh them down for the rest of their lives. Then there are those who will not
even tolerate the word victim in their vocabulary. It is unrealistic to say you
have never been victimized. Everyone has had some sort of trauma in their life.
What may seem like a trivial trauma to one person can be an overwhelming trauma
to another. While in graduate school I worked at a hospital that treated people
specifically for psychological trauma. One of the things we tried to teach
clients was not to compare traumas. It does not help the victim to compare
his/her trauma to another person's trauma, so really, what is the point? It is
no fun to live the life of a victim. Living in fear, isolating oneself to stay
protected, paranoia, not trying anything so as not to fail, being controlled by
a past experience; none of these are a way to live. Believe me, it really is not
the way you want to live. I understand and believe that traumatic events take
time to process and you have to let yourself go through emotions in order to
heal properly. However, in processing through those events it is important to
begin to use empowering words. People used to tell me, you have to just think
positive and push through it all. This used to make me angry and frustrate me.
It is true to a point and it is easier said than done. If you are homeless,
broke and alone, telling you to think positive is insensitive and callous. But,
letting you sit in your box, with empty pockets by yourself for 10 years (unless
you just want to) is also insensitive and callous. Everyone has potential and
everyone has the ability to be their best. Trauma changes your brain, but that
does not mean it cannot be changed again and into a positive direction. I could
let things in the past continue to affect my present and my future, or I can
challenge the negative thoughts, let negative comments roll off my back, or if I
am really hurt, move past my fear and actually communitcate my fears to the one
that hurt me. I choose to use the word "won't" instead of "can't," because if
I am willing, I can do anything. It may not happen in an instant, but I can do
it.