You cannot imagine what you put me through. It is the time of year where the things you put me through start to bubble to the surface. The wounds that have scarred over tend to pain me at this time. Sometimes anger rises and it rises to a point that I can almost feel the anger oozing out of my finger tips and bleeding out of my eyes. However, let me explain THIS to you. I used to give you permission to control me....I used to allow your offenses to victimize me over and over and over again. I used to let you control my relationships, my feelings and every aspect of my life. Sometimes you still slip in there and feelings of inadequacy, sadness, rage, bitterness, and many other feelings rise up in me. But, I am so much stronger than you ever thought I could be. I thought you had stolen my ability for love...my ability to have a child....but I thought wrong. I gave you too much credit. Because although your violations bruised my soul very deeply, I REFUSE to let you continue to take from me. It WILL NOT happen. I will live .... you hear that LIVE...and THRIVE...in SPITE of you. You may have controlled my life for the longest time...taken things away from me, my parents, my love and my friends...but you CANNOT keep them. I have them back and I get to CHOOSE who I give anything to....and you are BLOCKED OUT!! You get NOTHING!!! I used to wish harm to you. I used to want to see you hurt the way you made me hurt but now....well, now, I feel like my thriving is the best revenge. Giving myself health is my revenge. Giving love to others in a way that you never can or could is my revenge. Warning others about people like you is my revenge. Giving hope to others...a voice to others...is my revenge.
This is why it matters. This week, a woman a southeastern county of where I live, a woman was beaten by children because she is a lesbian. A few weeks ago in Nebraska a woman was held captive in her home while two men carved slurs into her forehead. Everyday, more and more teens are homeless because their parents will not "tolerate" their gay children. Everyday, children that could be placed in a loving home with same sex parents, remain in the system so as not to expose them to this "lifestyle." Rights for us aren't a fight about relgion...it isn't a fight that many lgbt people like to have either. We are just people in a free country, who have hearts,feelings, and emotions. We feel love just like you. I understand you have your religious reasons, and I can respect it....even if I think your interpretation of what you believe is wrong. I don't believe very many people have hate in their heart or operate from a place of hateful intolerance. I believe people fear things they don't understand. Sometimes, in the deepest part of my heart, I just want you who are so against it, to just listen. ... just look at us. My partner and I have values and morals. We teach our daughter the same thing. Our house is not a big pride fest wrapped in a rainbow flag playing Melissa Etheridge all day long. We work, we clean our homes, we have family outings, ... we are just like your family. The person who hurts my heart the most with this is related to me. I know this person loves me with every fiber of their being...but this person just can't see past the "sin." This person welcomes me and my family in their home but when I discuss my family as a family...this person does not want to hear it. I can see the anger in this person's body language. It hurts and it is unnecessary. I know this isn't concise...even all over the place...but I just want you to know....that our fight for rights matters...our equality matters. I just want equal protection for my family just like you have for yours without having to request them through the legal system. Can't we just all get a long even though we aren't all alike?? Anyway, I just needed to put that out there.
Thank you for reading my blogs and letting me vent. I know sometimes you probably read and roll your eyes...that's ok though! I appreciate you and am grateful anyway : )
Peace and blessings to you!!