K -- you are the first person I would like to openly and in as public as this forum is (or isn't, I guess) apologize to. You and I had kindred spirits from the first moment we met. You saw things in my soul that no one had ever seen or at least acknowledged to me before. You held my hand through some of the darkest times in my life. You were there when my dreams fell to pieces, worrying and loving me even as I caused you pain. We no longer speak because of the pain I caused. I understand, I really do. I understand that you must protect yourself from the "gray girl" who spiraled out of control and then left you holding your heart in your hand. I am sorry...so very very sorry. Today, I was thinking of you and wondering how life has gone for you. I am sending out energy to you my friend and am grateful for the times we had together, the road trips we took, the singing in your car and just sitting with you.
A -- I don't even know where to begin with you, A. You literally saved my life. I met you in one of the most beautiful places in this country. You and I had souls that were drawn to each other the instant we met. I met you and I began to understand who I was, who I still am. The life you had endured mirrored mine and I felt immediately connected to you and still feel that connection to you. I know we don't speak anymore, but I know there are days when our souls call out to each other. I always know when you are thinking about me...it is rarity to find that kinship. I know that I put too much on you and I know that it affected you to see me that way. I know that you were sick because of me. I'm so sorry, from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. Somedays, like today, I long to know that you are ok,,...that your life is everything you dreamed of and that you are living the happiness you know in your heart you deserved but never thought you would find. I am grateful for you and to you. I am remembering the days of being snowed in, drinking tea, sitting looking at the Grand Tetons and talking for hours. I hope you are well, friend.
Mom and Dad -- I love you both so much. I think saying I was a "handful" as a child and young adult is quite an understatement. I know I put you both through so much and you endured some of your scariest moments with me and/or because of me. I know that my life probably isn't what you pictured for me but you both have shown me so much love and acceptance and I love you both so much for it. I cannot apologize enough for the pain I've caused you but I hope that each day you become a little more proud of who I am now.
S -- my life is complete with you in it. Our life together began at such a weird place for both of us. We were both going through so much at the time and you were an intricate part of me surviving.I am so sorry for all that you have had to endure at my hand. You and B have given me so much. I am beyond grateful for you both. But I am head over heals in love with you and that is something I never thought would happen for me. You are the reason it happened. You endured such pain with me....crying with me, holding me, and listening. I cannot tell you how much that in and of itself grew my heart for you. I love you and I am more than grateful for you and our life together.
It is never a bad time to remember, reflect and apologize if necessary. Making the choice to live each day grateful gives you a happier and more enjoyable life. If you live with mental illness, you can make a choice, even if it is by the second to be grateful for the simplist of things. If you live with mental illness you can make a choice, even if it is by the second, to be kind and gentle with yourself and to those around you. We all make choices everyday that affect us and those around us. Try to take some time to reflect on those choices, be grateful for the positives and try to correct the negatives. <3 Peace my friends