You will always know where I stand. You will always know who I am. I will not hide behind anything. It is difficult to be transparent but I feel it is necessary. Those things kept in darkness eventually rear their ugly heads and then the truth is out there for all to see and the image you created to hide the things you are most ashamed of are out there for everyone to see. Am I comfortable with people knowing some things...absolutely not. However, I feel like if I put out there all these positive comments and never put out there honest living, I am lying.Do I like the fact people know I was abused? Nope, I sure don't. Do I take pride in the fact people know I used to self harm? Nope...lots of people do it...some over eat, some under eat...some are addicted to processed food...some smoke...some drink too much...on and on and on...my scars are just more visible. Do I like the fact people know I have a mental health history? No. Does it make me a bad person because of it....no. Do some people think it does? Yes. Do I care....honestly, yes. However, every person, whether they will admit it or not, have at least one thing in their past they are not proud of. But that does not mean that person does not deserve respect and a voice in this world. So what if you aren't perfect. So what if you cannot control everything around you to make everything look just like you think everyone wants it to look. So what if so and so likes you or wants to be around you. The best thing you can do for you is be you and embrace you and love you!! It is not an easy fit and some mornings I do struggle to look in the mirror and smile and say thank you but I do it. I have had problems...I still have problems sometimes...but I have figured out that hiding them and not addressing them makes things worse not better. I am passionate and I have a deep care for people because I have experienced pain and hiding that takes away what I can offer to support someone else. Don't hide. Don't cower. Take baby steps if you have to. But be true. I was a brat....horrible to my parents...bullied my brother....bullied a few peers...I drank too much...exercised too much...eventually slept too much...ate too much...spent too much....harmed myself too much....was in too much darkness....HAD NO BALANCE in my life. But that is who I was then....it isn't who I am now. But I can use those experiences then to hold your hand when you are experiencing similar struggles. I am not afraid to say I make mistakes and I am not perfect but I am also not afraid to accept you and support you when you make mistakes and maybe struggling to put one foot
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is be 'transparent' because it opens us up to so many other things, but it is something some people need to see in order to deal with the dark areas in their own lives. The things you have revealed only make me respect you more for who you are willing to be now.
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My name is Melissa. I live in small town middle America with my awesome and loving partner and our beautiful daughter.