I grew up in church. I was very active in my youth group. I went to Christian college and I was on ministry teams. I was an RA, a mentor and friend to many. But, I was also depressed. I was a self harmer. I agonized over who I knew I was deep down and what people around me told me it was okay to be. I went to seminary...where I heard things like, if you aren't married by the time you are in Seminary, you are either crazy or gay...both had an incredibly negative stigma attached to them. During Seminary, while dealing with very serious issues in therapy, I became very sick and unstable. I was struggling with two secrets in my life.They were scary. I was afraid of what would happen.
I had to be hospitalized. My parents came and my mom, in desperation to find out what was going on with me, discovered one of the secrets. She was devastated, I was devastated and the second secret was not going to surface for a while because of that. However, during this time, my mom and dad both told me....no more secrets. Just be honest. We love you. So, I worked on getting better. I got my first professional job, moved out on my own and continued to work in therapy...trying to keep the second secret away. But, I met someone. She changed my life. We dated, secretly for a while. She moved in with me and then there was no hiding it anymore.
Through the years, I've continued to work on releasing the past and living my truth. I challenged many things I grew up believing. I was angry at religion, I shunned it. Then, I watched my grandmother die. Though it was difficult for me (I loved her so much), it was an honor to be a part of her journey. Say what you want, but I saw her soul leave her body. I saw her body lifeless and knew it was just a shell that had held such a beautiful soul. I experienced spiritual encounters after she died. I was released from many things when she died. I also began a journey of my own. I have experienced freedom and love and kindness and gratitude since she passed, and I believe that was a gift from her. She helped me to believe again. She helped me to hold on to my truth and be honest and to love and let love be. She helped me release those old thoughts of condemnation and punishment and embrace gratitude, love, truth and acceptance.
We expected some fall out after our marriage. We expected a few to be unhappy. But don't fear for us, or cry for us, or say things like, but you have such a good heart and so much purpose. Because, the problem you have with our marriage is your problem, not ours. We are still us. We still have good hearts and we still have purpose and we still believe that love prevails and living our truth is the best thing we can do for ourselves, our daughter, our friend, our family and the world around us. You cannot truly love someone and not accept them for who they are. But, we know that those of you that fear for our souls, love us in the best way you can. We will hope for your own awakening someday and that you will be free from precepts that keep you from accepting our love into your life. We wish you blessings and happiness and we will not let you steal our blessings and happiness. Be well. Be love. Peace.