A few weeks ago, a facebook friend got a little irritated with a post I had. I try really hard to give positive posts and encouraging comments. Well, my friend was having a very difficult time in her life with her family and she said she was really tired of seeing posts about creating a good day when things happen that are out of our control. What I said to her was, we can dwell on the negative things and let it rule our lives, or we can acknowledge what happened and say, "This sucks," and then try really hard to find a positive or live in a positive space with a positive attitude. As a survivor of abuse, sometimes it is really hard not to get in victim mode. Sometimes it is really hard to not let flashbacks or nightmares get the best of me. In the past, they have gotten the best of me. But, I make a decision, sometime by the second, to not live in that space because it gets me NO WHERE!! So, all that to say, my life isn't peaches in cream and I don't claim to not have any problems. Let me give you a little example: My family and I have one car. Sarah drives the car everyday (M-Thursday) to St. Louis for school. We have been having problems with the car getting hot but we have been able to keep it under control with Anti-freeze (we should have bought stock in anti-freeze, lol). Anyway, yesterday, Sarah left school and by the time she got from Berkley to downtown, the car overheated. She stopped and put more antifreeze in the car. She left downtown and got to Butler Hill and the car red lined, over heated and blew it's radiator cap. So, she pulled over at a Schnuks and waited. In the meantime, I had cancelled my Zumba class because of fundraiser stuff that I needed to pick up and get delivered and get Brennah to dance. Well, my friend had let me use her car so I decided to go by her house where she told me what was going on with Sarah. She gave me her keys and told me to go get Sarah. So, Brennah and I stopped at Autozone and got a radiator cap, then stopped at Walmart and got anti-freeze, oil and water and headed to Arnold. When we got there, we got Sarah and went to Walmart again because Sarah said we needed stop gap for the radiator. We went back put everything in and decided to head home. When Sarah pulled out there was white smoke POURING out of the muffler but we got on the interstate and it seemed to get better. Then we hit Barnhart and Sarah began to slow down.....the car was redlining again. She took the exit and then the car died....it was done. There was smoke coming from where the dipstick is to check the oil. We called Sarah's dad and he said it sounded like a cracked head (whatever that means, I just know it's BAD). So, Sarah and I decided to try to get the car down the road a mile to a Walgreens. We got it there, locked it up and came home. So, now, we have NO car.....no savings (when gas prices went up, driving to St. Louis everyday took the extra) or extra money to get a car right now. This means, we have no way to get around, we have no way to get Brennah to and from school, dance, therapy appointments, doctor appointments etc. This means Sarah has NO way to get to school (this is her last week of one of her classed and she works up there). We have no way to do anything we need or want to do. Now, I could dwell on what we don't have or what we won't be able to do or ask incessant questions about how are we going to do this or how or we going to do that BUT will that make anything happen? Will that fix the situation? Will my life be positively impacted by declaring that my life is over and life sucks and asking why me? NO!! I choose to look at things like...I have a generous friend in Laura who will loan me her vehicle to go pick up Sarah so she didn't have to walk home; Sarah has a good friend who is going to try to get the car for us today; Sarah had to sit at Schnuks for about 4 hours yesterday and no one bothered her or tried to hurt her and she was safe. Things will get better. No, I don't know how, but I will just trust that they will be. Things happen, it is a part of life, but we have the choice to let those things rule us or to find effective and positive and creative ways to deal with those things. I am not going to put the negative out there because I don't want to receive negative. I am putting the positive and the hopeful out there because that is what I desire and want!! It's not all peaches and cream all the time but it's not the end of the world either. Make it a good one, it's the only one that is today : )
things WILL get better. Focus on the good and focus on having another vehicle. It will happen, don't question how. Trust me....things will come into place. You are a strong person...you both can get through this. xoxo
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My name is Melissa. I live in small town middle America with my awesome and loving partner and our beautiful daughter.