I have a few things I want to discuss. Some subjects may relate and some may not but I need to say it, so here it goes.
Friends. Have you ever been in a crowded room and feel all alone or asking yourself why you even put the effort in to be around all of these people? Or, been in a room and thought, I want to be friends with THAT person. This is me sometimes. I am a big introvert. Being around a lot of people takes a lot of my energy. Don't get me wrong, when I am teaching or speaking, I LOVE it. But I think it is mostly because it is usually not an intimate gathering nor one where I have to focus my energy on a few. I can do what I can do confidently and spread the energy around and then retreat to refuel. I have an idea sometimes that if I come into contact you and we have some kind of common ground, we are friends. This means, I encourage you, I pour into you, I try to help you if you want it or need it and I can. It means I care what happens to you and those you care about and it means that I want the best for you in your life. It means I want to share, I want to laugh, and hang out with you too. Most recently though, I have learned that I cannot be that kind of friend to all I meet on the level I want to. Some do not feel the same as me. Some do not desire that kind of relationship and some are just nice to me but they don't like me all that much. THAT IS OKAY!!! The thing about "friends" is that we do not always get to choose them. Some people we click with and some we just annoy, LoL. You know what,...I am totally okay with that too. My most recent lesson is: While I am trying so hard to have a one sided friendship with someone who totally doesn't care as much as I do, I am neglecting friends who do care as much as I do, maybe even more!! The moral to me of this story is: pour into those friendships that are willing to not only take but also give. See those who see you and what you are worth. Let those who value you receive the value that IS you! Does that mean in my classes or in teaching that I care less about those who are not true friends?? Absolutely not! I care about people and I LOVE to help people if and when I can. To give up doing that would be to give up part of myself and I do not wish to do that. I just want to make sure that when I give, I give without expectation and still hold onto friendships...in that way my friendships flourish and do not fail because of my own disappointments.
Forgiveness. Many of you who keep up with my blog, know that I have had some things happen to me in my life that could really keep a person down. I have dealt with abuse and hurt and disappointment that some would allow to victimize them their entire life. However, throughout my journey to became the healthiest version of me that I can, I have learned that life is too short to hold onto hate, hurt and pain. There is a certain person in my life whom I have yet to release by forgiveness. I have harbored so much anger and hate and wished bad things to happen to this person because of what damage he did to me, and what I believed he had done to my life (I now understand that I am in control of that he can no longer hurt my life). Through some deep soul searching and long talks, I have realized that this person must have suffered such hurt. Not only that, but he must still suffer it to live as he does. So publicly I am releasing him. I will not name him because it isn't fair to others but I will say this: I release you and I wish well for you. I intend to write you a letter and hope that you will flourish because of it. Maybe he won't have a reaction and that's okay too. While I would like for it to help him, I know write now, it helps me.
Peace, Love and Happiness. I wish this for all I know and all I don't know. I hope by reading this blog and seeing some of my struggles you can relate and maybe have some encouragement. I am so grateful to have this outlet and if it touches one person and helps them then I feel good about putting myself out there. Much love to each of you!! Hopefully I will write again soon.