*insert deep breath here*
My struggle with the way I see myself has been in my life for as long as I can remember. The desire to be liked, the desire to be perfect, the fear of failure, the fight with myself to be who I am, letting go of shame and guilt (a constant work), letting go of the fear that I cannot dream big because stuff like that doesn't happen to people like me and on and on and on.
That is not my purpose. I am a unique creation. I have a purpose in life. The manifestation of that purpose may change, but the purpose itself does not. I am a born helper and healer. I don't mean to say that I can put my hands on you and heal a physical ailment. But, I have a gift of insight and intuition. I have had struggles that let me see deeper into my own life and into the lives of others. I have looked in the mirror and hated what I see. Disgusted with what I was given in life. You know what that brought into my life? Pain. More things to be disgusted with. I have fought the battle between restriction and gluttony. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally too. I still fight it. I fight it in the way that I workout and nourish my body. I fight it in the way that I treat myself and in the boundaries that I put with others. I fight it in the way I interact with my family. Do you hear the pattern? I fight. I do not let the battle define me anymore. I do not sit and say, I am a fool, so I will just stay a fool. I do not say, I am fat and unhealthy, so I will just stay that way. I do not say, I am scared to open up emotionally and feel scared to be who I am, so I will just isolate and push people away. I am a warrior. I am a warrior against fear and I am a warrior against staying stuck. I do not say, they will laugh (go ahead insert Adam Sandler's,..they're all gonna laugh at you), so don't reach for your dreams. I reach and I fight. I do not give in. One major fear that I grew up with was figuring out my belief system. Learning to find my path was empowering. Understanding my significance and that I have a significance in this world has been liberating and has allowed tremendous growth in my life.
We all have those thought patterns, those ingrained messages from growing up, and those fears in our lives. They are real. There are not insignificant. There is nothing about life that is insignificant. There is purpose in it all. I know, I know...why do horrible things happen. Man, if I could answer that, I would be screaming it out to everyone. I do not know why. I do think though that when horrible things happen, we can glean lessons that will help us grow and help others a long the way. This life can be a difficult journey, especially alone. But when we find others who have had similar experiences or have know pain or joys like our own, it is comforting and it can be a catalyst to a higher purpose.
Do not settle, my friends. Be a warrior. You don't always have to be out fighting. You can be resting. You can be preparing or you can be fighting but always, always, always,...KNOW that you are a warrior and you have purpose beyond what you can comprehend.