I believe I definitely have reason to believe the worst in humanity. I know that everyone has experiences that make them believe less and less in people. However, what we choose to feel and think about dictates the direction our life goes. I have several friends who are going through heart wrenching pain right now: some who have unexpectedly lost one dear to them, some who have very difficult relationship problems, some who don't have jobs and are really suffering through some heart ache. I could never look any of them in the eye and just say, well, buck up, you're alright -- shake it off. Because there is real pain and heartache in this world. Everyone has to deal with that heartache in their own time. However, there are ways to deal with negative feelings and thoughts that can bring one to healing and living. When I was in graduate school, as a part of my degree plan, I had to attend therapy. During therapy, I began to address several areas in my life that were affected by abuse. I spiraled out of control very quickly trying to face the memories and affects of abuse. I did things to myself and to others that put me in very dark and life threatening conditions. I was sad, depressed, isolated, withdrawn, and at times very bitter and angry. I was also very weak: both physically and emotionally. I felt like I didn't have the strength within me to pull myself up, change my thinking and get back on track. So, I just sat in it. I sat there and sat there and sat there. I was like the peanuts character that just walked around with a dark cloud on my head. I let this filth rule my life. I did it because I didn't believe I had any power or fight left within me. I can completely relate to those that feel that way. I am here to tell you though, there is more. There is light at the other end of darkness. I had to make a choice and I had to make it several times. I still do, everday.
Some people are predisposed to depression, anxiety, and other mental health or emotional health problems. Some people have been through circumstances you couldn't even imagine that can cause severe and debilitating mental and emotional health problems. It is not fair or helpful to just tell them to buck up, nor is it compassionate or sensitive. A few times, I had different friends or family members who said, (they were trying to be helpful)"you just need to move on or get over it or make the choice to be strong." I say to you, don't you think if it were that easy, I would. I am a smart, strong, independent, loving and caring woman. If you know me, don't you know I want to give to society? I want to be an active person and give to those around me whatever I have to give and that has always been inside me. However, at that time, I was stunted. There is a time for everything. I had to have a time of grieving and anger, but I had to make the choice to not sit there and give in to all of that negativity. I had to wait until I felt stronger and then step out, even if it was one baby step at a time, and start living again. If I sat in that ugly place for the rest of my life and spouted off mean, nasty, vile and negative words all of the time, what do you think would come back to me? That's right, what I put out there. I want to be someone that when people see me or think of me, think, I can count on her to support me and hold my hand when things are rough and provide love and care and maybe a wise word here and there. I don't want to take take take, I want to give give give. I want to speak things in to your life and mine that will better us and those around us. I want people to know it is ok to feel your feelings, in fact it is IMPARATIVE to feel your feelings. BUT don't SIT there in it and roll around in it for too long. Because the things that happen to us do NOT define us. Those things are just a little piece of our story. We get to write our own ending. We get to have our own theme. If you are experiencing loss, abuse, fear, pain, sadness, depression, anxiety, insecurity, or anything else .... let yourself feel it. If you don't, you bottle it up and it will come out in some way. You have to feel it but then, you have to choose how you think about it. You can stay at: I am so sad...life isn't fair; or, why does this always happen to me; or I hate _____________ for what they did to me (these are all things I said to myself multiple times a day). Or, you can stay at: I am so sad, life isn't fair BUT I am stronger than _____________ and I will rise above it all!! Or: Man, this sh*t sucks and I am so f*c*ing angry BUT this doesn't define my life and I am going to go for a walk to yell, cry, scream and clear my head. If you have to walk for an hour to get it out...do it. If it comes back, walk again or write or talk to a friend or ask for a hug (hugs always help : ) . There is a balance between sitting in the sh*t that comes into your life and sticking your head way up in the clouds pretending everything is all right. Everyone knows life isn't always sunshine and jellybeans but what you choose to do with what is in your life, makes you. Feel those feelings and bring about the life you have always wanted, discarding the things you don't. I hope you know how much I love each and everyone of you. You all inspire me daily to be a better me. I hope peace for your hearts and love for your life. <3
"Your thoughts and words have no power at all in your life without your feelings. You think so many thoughts in a day that don't amount to anything because many of your thoughts don't elicit a strong feeling within you. It's what you FEEL that matters!!"
-- Rhonda Byrne (The Power)